everyone all of the time forever

thebeff @ 2009-04-23T05:22:00

2009-04-23T09:22:40Z

the glare match was a sour wrath between us:

four years since achilles and there is some dead boy i have loved, in my armor, at my feet;
i run in circles screaming
and dragging my enemy at my most vulnerable heel,
waiting for his father to stop me
or some god to pull me by the hair and say:
"you do not know what clockwork has been wound upon that mountain, fool. stay your sword
and most of all, that heart no home to wisdom."

black poles stuck in pavers mark my end
as friends feel for last things
in the sunshine of (in so many ways)
a newborn summer doomed.

October 1659

2009-03-04T06:11:38Z

Evil

I am without a plan,
stranded like a fool on an
island of indeterminates.

Good

But a plan seems the most
terrible of possibilities
right now, the situation
at home and abroad
indicating a significant
necessary caution pertaining
to anything risky, or quick,
or entrepreneurial will be
most definitely required.

Evil

I am with no settling,
no sense of things and how
they are to be arranged.
There is a soft fear
inside my conscience.

Good
But I am equipped with
things. An education, a
sense of wonder and ambition.
There are courses set ahead
that are not easy, but wanted.

Evil

I am repelled by anything
I have tried or succeeded in.
Not a single activity or product
of my labor has given me
satisfaction.

Good

But I am told, through words
and circumstance, that I
am of worth and loved. These
graces don't deserve to be
received with such dispondency.

Evil

I am not ready to die.

Good

I'm not about to.

thebeff @ 2008-10-20T20:41:00

2008-10-21T00:41:38Z

things die between seasons. its the one more change that kills them. as if everything ending could be bearable if maybe it didn't turn so cold.

i am so far lost. just do what i should do now is the way i'm thinking about it. school, read, do it get it done. afterward, who knows? i'm clueless and somehow not afraid. new place, keep people. maybe i'll move to LA or New Orleans. maybe just do some helping. learn a little consequence of labor and not thought. woodcarve or fish. build houses i will never use. feel definitively finite and find what i want to make better and show. investigate prepositions. write less lists.

so tonight is Heroes and a paper for Japanese Monsters. Derek is visiting, Kromo's angry i'm leaving, X will play FIFA and somewhere JJ is 22. this weekend I am too. 21 was unreal: life packed up and flown and flung across the world and back like a boomerang. 22 will be its opposite: life unpacked and wanting, maybe wandering like a big wet river. this is almost the worst time in our history for me to be graduating. maybe that's good for me, or maybe it's not. at least it's a start.

PEACE

hey sasha

2008-06-21T15:20:48Z

This Grizzly Bear song has blown my mind.

64

2008-06-07T15:50:29Z

I am sittinng outside on Daniele's porch. it is attached to a huge pink and black house in Strangologalli, a small town one hour outside both Rome and Naples. The sun was behind big, gray clouds when I woke up at three in the afternoon, but now it is out and makes the pool look like a blue mirror, the opposite of those blue-killing Ambervues Kevin sold me out the trunk of his car last week in Wayne, NJ. If I put them on here, the water turns green and if it weren't for the shadows between the leaves, the reflections of the eight foot bushes lining this porch would disappear.
Strangologalli can be loosely translated to "choke the chicken" which doesn't exactly sound like a great name for a small town. Apparently the story goes like this: French barbarians swore to attack the town as soon as the cock crowed in the morning. In order to protect themselves and their village, the people of Strangologalli choked all their chickens before the sun rose. Clever Italians. They probably ate well that night.
I must write my paper tomorrow. It is on Intelligent Design and it was due three weeks ago. On Tuesday I am meeting with my professor, Mario de Caro, and this will mark the end of any Junior year obligations. Which sort of makes me a senior in college, which sounds worse than it feels. Then, in one week from today, I will be on a plane bound for London. I have a job there, and a place, and no one. All this moving around is like a thick dream.

I hope I get to see Laura and Dan on their trip across Southern Europe. I hope I get to take my brother to France to visit Xavier in Lyon. I hope I make it to Amsterdam to taste the legal shrooms before they go away in August. I hope I do not leave Rome forever.
Life is accumulating swiftly and condensed. The deep kind of love is missing somewhere on the water in between New Jersey and New York, but the kind that smells and tastes and shines off hills and strangers comes in droves. Maybe they are the same and my inside antenna is just a bit rusted.
This dog has been licking my feet the whole time.

tight

2008-03-21T03:41:54Z

The kind of drunk that comes before leaving for Berlin - leaving not in a day or a week, but in stuffed hours - is a pleasant sort of drunk. There is nothing packed, few things to be, and the weather is shut away behind roman shades but was wet and trying at around 22:30. The weather in Rome during the month of March is like a good hard teacher, frustrating in what he asks of you but right. In Amsterdam there are rumors of snow. It feels like it could happen anywhere this spring break.

Where will I go and what will I miss. I am young and feel it. Need to exercise maybe. Need to run.

Need to not die soon. Need to take pictures with patterns. Need to write more. Need to figure between love. Need to want some terrible things. Need to play more. Need to learn more things to cook. Need to be better at something that feels worthwhile. Need to do prison style pushups.

wowski

2007-10-25T03:39:52Z

Three hundred and
Eighty five times
Twenty one is

Just around the corner,

I feel good and old. This year has no possibility of being bad. at. all.

COME ROME COME GERMANY COME GOOOOODLY

and i will be drunk for some of the time and out of my mind for all of it. this is a
grand adventure

my tounge has the taste of basil and
will get better

the excitement, really
the excitement is OVER-
WHELMING

my mother is not with me for the first time. and
there is a bottle of champagne waiting in the fride,
scratch that -
a bottle of Prosecco and a taste of new homes.

Looking or listening, both make me shiver

2007-09-27T03:54:13Z

this world is a plane of color and i am reminding myself that things are in three dimensions. there is much faith in this: thinking not about what could be, but flowing without worrying whether being is a dream or a flash or something that could even end.

i wonder if i have ever made a decision about my life: no. i have decided to make decisions made for me to be as comfortable as i can make them. that would seem like a decision itself, but i would argue that no decision about anything undecided is purely satisfying. and what does not purely satisfy its promise is a lie, another thing which satisfies the condition of being not what it declares itself to be. what have i done then? it is a sort of lie, this place in time.

this place in this time is the active thing i know. this is so different from all other things and i really am so much believing in you. i will never know you, but you know this place and this time because i am writing it. and you might as well be sitting here, all of you, in a big circle, so we can see what is going on instead of assume inside some subconcious space that comes to surface, slyly and with something in the throat, to tell you that I too had a place and a time where i was doing the thing you were doing at your place and your time that is now reminding the both of us together. you read and I read and now those place-time objects have met and sexed and are a new place-time object at the same place and time for both of us.

i am deliberate, here we are.

what shape is our monstrous field of vision?

thebeff @ 2007-08-31T04:38:00

2007-08-31T08:38:11Z

it is 4:20 in the morning and many things have happened this summer.

what is there to say about this? i expected a monotony that would suck some soul out, but it never came, thank goodness. New Jersey will be and always was a comfortable place. here there are no hustles and no bustles. there are phone calls before dinner, jobs that pass the time, tomatoes. in a day i leave for new york and it will be on me again.

but i cannot honestly say that i am not thrilled, because i am. this is setting up to be the best year yet. tonight i sat curling up with my goosebumps on lisa's couch, squealing at the thought of seeing the people i love and miss for the first time in four months. it feels like a welcome home party, a kiss from a city that's never as hard as you make it out to be. o how i can't wait to wake up groggy, to pull up and sit in some stiff desk and talk about the most beautiful things and come a bit closer, build a bit higher on the foundation i call myself.

i could lie and say i was ready, xiyin, for the two feet and the chin up. but i remember being here, in Jersey, telling myself to be free. don't forget how much you wanted it, i'd say as i'd wrap another mental ribbon round my finger (which is running out of room these days). i want to hear the noise again, and feel everything. New York is the realest thing I have, and it's time i get back.

i turn 21 and shit goes crazy. i leave for italy and don't come back. what happens really in between those few words? what people will i meet or leave or love better? i will see you some night in the same fields we laid in two years ago, more overwhelmed with anticipation than we ever were before, and i will feel the same soft tingle of being where i should as i did then. this summer i have learned to not waste anything at all.

of course it is happening in your head, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?

2007-07-24T17:09:25Z

there is no more camera.

my third eye drowned in beer and is no more. not taking pictures is like, well, it's like being home, where i am right now. not what i am supposed to be doing at all.

hayley told dooblysticks the other night that all the little coincidences are signs that she's doing the right thing at the right time. i believe that is how that works. for me, there are no coincidences now. there are little mishaps and tight knots in my throat. brain-splits, lies. this summer is compulsory and floats like a sail boat with no wind.

i am glad i have the people i do.

harry potter was awesome. she pretty much stuck to everyone's expectations concerning the plot, but i felt it was really nicely paced and exceptionally exciting. i don't know how i feel about the epilogue, but i'm glad i have some concrete idea of what happens in the future instead of none at all. the scene at gringotts was probably one of the best scenes out of all the books, cept maybe the first time i read priori incantatem. it's just sad to see the series end when i've stuck with it so long. i remember when i started reading them and realized that i would be twenty when it ended, how weird and far away that seemed, and now i'm here, the same boy, and it can't be all that strange.

i'm sick of telling people i'm thinking about law school. even though i am, i know the main reason i say it is so they'll get off my back about being a philosophy major. i wish i didn't always feel like i need to defend a part of myself from this place, but i do.

one day i'll bring it from the inside out, and make something.

time as the devil as the summer as my life

2007-06-04T23:59:34Z

without class, the summer sits like a fat log of crap outside my front door. it is my job to take this log of crap and to cut it into daily portions, which i am then forced (willingly) to consume. it is difficult to come up with things to do each day without losing every good mood.
i would like to update every day, but i never feel like it. i know i would be happier and better if i did, so maybe what i will do is take a random picture and post it and talk about it. i think i will do that.

this is a picture of my cousin Timmy. It was taken the day after my grandmother died, in the backyard of her house. i do not take a lot of black and white pictures, but i thought the ivy would make a good black. i love that backyard, and that garage wall, and the ivy, and Timmy. this picture is filled with things i love.
in that backyard, i see soft ghost replays of my brother and my cousins and I always. sometimes they are sitting on a bench that is not there, deciding who will be which Little Ninja. I will always remember being the chubby one who ate jellybeans even though i can't remember his name. i think we had bracelets, maybe. now we don't even have the one person who can claim us all as hers.
i like this picture because i know my grandmother has seen these things, and i know they looked almost exactly liked they did in this very picture. everything may be a couple weeks older, but it's close enough. that ivy is still growing, even though my Uncle Alex (the Colombian, and they do not let him forget it) has tried to tear it down and caused a ruckus that even reached the kitchen where my grandma stayed. that time he got support only from my Aunt Diane's boyfriend John, who is now dead also. but you knew that.
he said that if we let it go, that it would creep under the roof. over time, the panels would crack and lift, the garage would start to let it in like a new green lover, and the ivy would wrap around both walls until it hit the floor or the sun stopped shining.
i would rather see things go that way than have some other boy's ghosts where mine stay to play.

during the wretched of the earth

2007-04-11T21:56:19Z

I am sitting in work. I just left the men's bathroom, the one on the fourth floor of Low Library with a twenty foot hallway or so before it that leaves most females working on the fourth floor of Low Library with a shorter average delay between first urge and relief. these are the things i envy.

i was trying to not pee fast, to not push and instead to flow, as i am feeling these days that if you're gonna do things a certain way, you better just try something to keep it going, whether it's trying to be a little more relaxed while peeing, or just clicking on an email instead of just reading the subject line and lingering. someone told me in my writing class last week that I like really big things and really small things and i said yes.

so this summer i'm working in midtown at a videogame public relations firm. there, i will cover videogame coverage, specifically of the products we represent and their competitors, stalk blogs to make sure people are saying good and correct things about our games, and getting to play all of them in the gaming room convienently located in office. it was originally unpaid, but then three days after i got the job i recieved this email:

Hi Jeff,

Good news! We just received confirmation from our headquarters in San
Francisco that your internship will actually be paid - $12/hour. I'd
also like to confirm your start date of Friday, May 4 at 12pm. Let me
know if you have any other questions, otherwise we will be in touch
again closer to your start date. Have a great weekend!

Best,
Audra

and this, another proof of the niceties of dealing with things, even emails, as they come.

i appreciate the irony of breakfast blend at 5:35 PM. i need it to keep my eyes open during writing class at 7. leather, burning, sour, why did i want this as a child? now, i get it: coffee. alcohol. xxx hot sauce. a little bit of pain as i sit at this plastic rectangle place. everything around me screams dead trees. what isn't wretched?

Rolling Stone had an article on the cognitive origins of our appreciation of music the other month. It was an interview with this professor at McGill, if I remember correctly. He stated a theory that music might have proceeded language as a form of communication. This made me think of dolphins. It also made me think of the world tens of thousands of years ago with all these hairy naked people banging things and crooning into a bigger sky. Yale's wind ensemble performed this piece about a world of people in caves beneath Kansas or Illinois or someplace that only communicated through music. when i hear a certain song i think of you, and sometimes, if it's true enough, i'm encouraged by the thought that at the same sound your mind turns to me as well. it is a scent between us - sweet and yes, forever.

this wonderful red-headed thirty-five year-old woman named Mary just walked in and told me about how her ex-boyfriend used to have a prince albert and how she just had to make him take it out sometimes, you know with all that drawin blood n shit. she plays in rock bands and was close friends with Joey Ramone. she is a bird clipped like most everyone, but she knows it too and so we laugh easy. i will take this as the cue to hush and let this evening tingle me. goodnight!

: ]

thanks sofie <3

2005-01-03T22:19:41Z

i think this is going to be my first friends-only banner on account of a second person has stolen my internet stuff in the past week. i never wanted to do it, but people suck.

thebeff @ 2004-12-31T16:41:00

2004-12-31T21:41:07Z

it's weird to think this year is ending. i mean last year, in 2003, i was a sophomore. now i'm a senior and i feel like so much time has passed. i feel older, inside and out, and i guess that's what this year was about - growing up.

please read this it took a while

january - was terrible. this is still "post-JSA, world-blows-ass, i might as well die" jeff we're talking about. i was still hardcore in area band and i think i was listening to a lot of white stripes and rocket summer.
i tried to solve things and it didn't work:

i also got to kiss a girl named kat back when things were snow-covered.

february - i really just loathed school throughout this whole period of time. things with my mom were still about being overprotective and not so much the internet. formal drama unraveled. but i got to see the getup kids and i moshed for the first time.

also the birth of D@B occured. little did we know how far that one crank call would take us...

march - trio was born around this time. things were starting to turn around for me. i got rejected from governor's school, but i wasn't phased and the drunk at the barrecchias show was one of the greatest high school memories ill ever have.
formal was unbelievable. the people, the places, and the activities were unforgettable (well, not literally) and i just had one of the greatest days ever. i'm glad that worked out like that.

april - everyone was a little miserable this month. kill bill 2 came out though, whichw as a plus. half my entries are still dedicated to JSA at this point. i found out that jon hwang was moving and it made me sad. i got to see death cab and meet ben gibbard however, so that was awesome. i also went with my class of '04 girls to see damien rice. i can't think about that or i'll jizz a little.

NOT CHRIS

may - busiest month of my entire life. the sheer amount of studying i did in these few weeks was more than i had ever done ever. i ripped up the SAT 2s and the AP tests. it was worth it, and i had to prove some people wrong. i felt accomplished and ready to move on. the best band trip in the history of the world also happened in may. i had a world's worth of fun with my gaya, CAH, janelle, aimee, steve, and julia. it was just awesome. disney world always makes me happy, and so does THE LAND.

june - was what i had been waiting for all year. this was my start over. i became band president which was the greatest thing to help me along. some people were pissed, and they probably still are, but I think I'm doing my best. the band dinner was appropriately the saddest thing ever. I discovered how much i loved the freshmen (sophomores). kat took me to prom and we had a wonderful time. i sure do miss her being in high school. i then suceeded in pwning the SATs like it was my job. i guess when i'm just pissed off and fed up, i do my best.

july - o sweet summer! i started my day job with melody and jj, and in generally we had fun. those morning drives, dunkin donuts breaks, and 1.5 hour lunches at steak escape were some of the best times of my summer, no matter how monotonous. i also started to get down with indiefucks for serious around then. my cousin lauren got kicked out of her house and came to live with me for over two weeks. we watched a lot of dawson's creek and I confirmed how much i do indeed, love her. hwang left for goods. his last week here was quite fun and he and jj crashed at my house for the whole 5 days. we just did dorky things for a really long time and it couldn't have been more perfect. i miss that asian.

august - the dog days. more like the band days. marching band began with a few mishaps but things worked out alright. band camp was not as great on a foreign side of camp canadensis, but by friday it was just as fun as any of the others. the family took a road trip for lack of anything better to do. we hit up gettysburg and ohio and rode on roller coasters. i got an awesome video camera and things went well. i also got to see modest mouse.

september - school began and i was really excited to be a senior. classes blew but the people were awesome. that's all i really have to say about that. melody and i really weren't talking.

october - nothing that particularly worthy of note. film club started again and jj and I had our last birthoween party. : [ it was a lot of fun and everyone (almost) who mattered showed up.

novemeber - model UN was a blast with christine as my partner. we ruled the world as canada and made lots of awesome friends. i'm pretty sure it was the best one yet. our last spirit week took place. it was a blast. all that planning and canning and vandalizing really paid off and brought our class together. i'm glad we all get along, or things would really suck.

december - things were good this month. i worried a lot about colleges, and i still have stuff to do tonight for them, but it's ok. princeton deffered me , but i was expecting that. the holidays were great and my brother graduated from college. he's home now and tonight is new years.

so that's the year.

this is it kiddies. 2005. the year we have been waiting for since we could wait for anything. it is a division of lives: half of it consists of the last moments of our home-life, the last days of our childhood as we know it. the other half is an abrupt beginning to the rest of our lives, the start of adult-hood and our separation. the word of the year will be change, and a lot of it. but unlike like last year, when i was hoping for a year to save me from the past, i don't have to hope anymore. i am absolutely confident in the happiness of the future. 2005 doesn't have to hope. it will be one of the best years of my life.

and right now, i couldn't have more of it ahead of me.

so goodbye 2004. you taught me everything i know. and you weren't so bad anyway.

thebeff @ 2004-12-29T11:05:00

2004-12-29T16:05:43Z

SOMEONE STEALS MY IDENTITY

fucking creepy. the pics in the "people section" at the bottom aren't mine or laura's (ridingonacloud) so that might be a clue. anyone know anything?

edit: _bildungsroman is the culprit. weirdo.

thebeff @ 2004-12-26T00:33:00

2004-12-26T05:33:10Z

christmas is over in 5 minutes and by the time i'm finished with this entry, it will be then, and another best day of the year will have passed. i really love this holiday. I was sitting at dinner earlier today, manicotti at my plate, and thinking about how this day is just like any other day, and that the only reason we make it so happy and so pleasant is because we all just make the decision to. the day itself is not wonderful, it is more the people who choose to make it so.

i like my people.

christmas eve was as crazy as usual, excpet this time i got drunk a little earlier. it was all cara's fault really for handing me pure alcohol in some sort of blue-good-tasting form. the antipasto is my dinner on this night on account of the whole seven fishes thing that i don't really take part in. the gift opening actually BEGAN at 12 which is a miracle. it was a lot of fun. my mom's side likes to get me lots of clothes that make me look like a guido, but im ok with it. my aunt di also got the poem i wrote for rene's wedding engraved on a mirror and that was really cool of her. loni got me a shirt that says "cut your hair" which is awesome. the night went until 5 am as it usually does. came home and fell asleep for 4 hours before i had to go to church where i served with the (new) bishop. after that, we opened gifts. this was an amazing christmas gift-wise and i think my dad must have made a lot of money this year or something because the presents were extremely generous.

highlights include:

A SOUND DOCK BITCH

back to the future trilogy
buffy season 7 <3
spiderman 2 gift set
lord of the rings rotk gift set
the dangerous lives of altar boys (THANK GOD)
a comic mini-bust of captain marvel
the "heroes" print by alex ross which i creamed over
120 gb hard drive
256 ram
a DUAL LAYER DVD burner
a wireless router
a book of walt whitman poems
a bunch of underwear and pajamas
a buffy calender and calendar frame
really awesome pens w/ a leather bound journal
urbz:sims in the city DS
spiderman 2 DS
an fm transmitter for tara that WORKS
and
DONKEY KONGA!!! which i am completely excited for

my dad got my mom a beautiful pearl and diamond ring, an awesome crystal bracelet, a coach purse, and a burberry raincoat which she flipped over

dad got robosapien which he loved, and an incredibly soft coach leather jacket

things were pretty damn awesome around here.

ill post pictures later on account of i cant find my camera right now.

stolen from moveforwards

2004-12-25T01:13:34Z

Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play!
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play!
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what BAND and SONG the lines come from!
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly!

I will screen the comments so everyone has a chance.

NO CHEATING (that means no googling) and

1. ~~I don't mean to stare / We don't have to breed / We can plant a house / we can build a tree / i dont even care/ we could do all three~~ Nirvana - Breed : alluneedislooov

2.~~when boy sets fire god knows you've lost at a cost that has no price /when you've purchased guilt /stand at attention and make sure you know lines and yourself~~ Coheed and Cambria - Junesong provision: ___silhouette_

3.And all again I wait for this /To fill a hole, to shake the sky in two/Another night with her/I'm always wanting you

4.Let's go out in the moonlight /And walk for awhile /Maybe stay up all night and we could /Talk for awhile /Kick off your shoes /'Cause you've got nothing to lose / But your sleep

5.i lie around and let the darkness fall/'cause i've got a sense of perfection/ and nothing makes much sense at all

6. I'm taking new answers to questions of yesterday
I've seen you slide away
When you cannot hold me, then I saw
Colors that ruin you way

7. ~~the truth is you could slit my throat blah blah blah~~ Taking back Sunday - You're So last Summer : cuckin_frazy

8. Remind me what we're waiting for
How could you forget?
This is our life
I'm not here to represent anything you get
Forget

9. You're the one I'm dreaming of
Why does this feel like wasted time?
What a price is traveling love?
You and me trapped between these lights No Doubt - Waiting Room: ___silhouette_

10.dissect a trillion sighs away
will you get this letter
jagged pulp sliced in my veins
i write to remember
'cause i'm a million miles away
will you get this letter At the Drive-In - One-Armed Scissor: geekybeeny

11.another urban wasteland thick with fears/ i see lights that shine like frozen television tears or dying embers of another day

12. please god save me from myself again to shoot me to the skies for my heart has a secret and this could make you sigh

13. all this talk about a hairy chest/ the red swim suit i haven't seen yet/ the funny thing i will never know if you like to swim

14. "Explain to the courtroom what went through your mind
And we'll ask the jury what verdict they find"
I said "I felt the power of death over life
I orphaned his children I widowed his wife
I beg their forgiveness I wish I was dead"

15. well then of course there was the day we all died / goodbye

16.Just wanna know, how far to live on
This one will ever know in this town

17. if i could you cut you off without contest / i'd dismiss you like someone i never knew

18. ~~Wait near the end of September. Wait for some stars to show. Try so hard not to remember what all empty playgrounds know: that sympathy is cruel~~ the weakerthans - fallow: readallthepages

19.when half of all your prayers are insincere,
the other half are lies.
here is this watermark under this bridge.
the point where it all crested,
rolled back and drifted into the sea.
i climb from this wreckage

20.Even though my mind is hazy and my thoughts they might be narrow,
Where you been don't bother me nor bring me down in sorrow.
I don't even mind who you'll be waking with tomorrow bob dylan - mama you been on my mind: jimmyb187

21.
Didn't mean to laugh, didn't know I had.
Didn't know the better part of what you said
cuz in your head you are not home. Modest Mouse - One Chance: mercury_to_hell

22.Here you can be anything.
I think that scares you. jimmy eat world - just watch the fireworks: monophonic

23. Our time was worthless, but I tried
We started over and over again, as we let go
Held each other, held hands,
Held standards and grudges The Starting Line - Cheek to Cheek: polka_dot_220

24.I have read the right books
to interpret your looks
you were knocking me down
with the palm of your eye

25.Distant though I am
orange, gold, and green
firing, flaming, colors surround me

i love everything counting crows no joke

2004-12-24T22:45:00Z

i think it's christmas eve. happy that.

i really love winter break becuase it is usually the only break that actually feels like a break. i feel like i lieave school behind and just live for a week and a half. it's nice.

yesterday was fun. school was pointless, as it usually is the day before any break. my last band jeopardy was interesting and a question about my p33n slipped in there, whcih was the best part. there was some issues in english and in health we watched a really cool video on sex in the cinema, but i bet i was the only person paying attention. after school was the JSA christmas party. we discussed santa and ate food. there was a monsoon outside, but the nice kind and if it wasn't for laura's lack of adequete clothing, i could have played in it for a very long time and still have come out smiling. i shopped for dave's jewmas/bright eyes payment gift with anthony and it was cool. fye is the worst store in the world for music though. i got home, and my brother and I picked up Alissa to go to the mall and find some presents for my mom and dad. we walked around for a really long time, ran into some cousins (of course) but we had no present luck. i did find a nice christmas sweater for 60 bucks that was originally 135 so the night wasnt a total waste. after we went to best buy where we bought my dad a:

and we decided to install my mother a cd player in her car. im getting my brother some illegal ps2 stuff. dropped off alissa and went home, watched some buffy, and waited for lisa and ashley to come over. we all went out and did some stuff which was really fun. really fun. we ended up at the diner (as usual) and then a final buffy episode to put us to sleep. i woke up today and dropped off my mom's car at circuit city to get ghettoed. now i'm home and waiting for this night to begin.

this wonderful, wonderful night.

it was decorated like crazy. the theme was "winter wonderland"

that is an amazing picture

we're so scene

laura swears she doesn't need the internet to have fun!

if they aren't robots, they sure are awesome!

lucas+lisa= the coolest people ever

in addition, my brother's graduation occured. it was a great time. i'm very proud of him and his B.S. in Economics with a Concentration in Public Economics. the ride west to happy valley was full of my little cousin dean and nintendo DS. o now i have to go. present emergency ill post more pics later.

HAPPY EVE MY INTERNET!!!!

thebeff @ 2004-12-22T17:28:00

2004-12-22T22:28:36Z

haha i'm the indiefucks icon.

that's fucking awesome cheryl, my <3.

thebeff @ 2004-12-21T00:43:00

2004-12-21T05:43:49Z

i changed my layout a little bit.

thebeff

if anyone wants to teach me how to make my little box with my icon in it say what i want for the links, that would be great.

edit: i think i'm done. i have my abe lincoln comment icon, everything is good.

pointless entry

2004-12-16T04:30:26Z

pedro certainly puts you in a mood. and he always has, since like, eigth grade.

i don't know i guess some music is just good, and i will never get sick of it. tell me a band you've liked forever and will like forever.

today was the senior breakfast. it was amazing! even though it took up my entire night last night, and i had to wake up at 5 thgis morning, it was worth it. the theme was winter wonderland and every teacher said it was quite possibly the best senior breakfast in the history of the school. our class is awesome and i wish we could do even more stuff together.

i'll post pictures later.

anyway, after fencing today i came home and passed out, naturally. i woke up with a migraine which is the worst thing to wake up with. the light burns. i think it also had to do with the fact that i've stopped eating lately. not that im ana, i just dont have time really.

everyone is getting into college and i have to wait for april because i sacrificed getting in for having the early decision simply be an asset to my regular decision review. on account of it's princeton and god knows i need all i can get.

sometimes i feel like i just want to make my grandfather proud a lot. which is weird becasue i don't even talk to him and he doesn't like me very much. he was in a war, killed azns, and survived a kamikazee attack that sunk his battleship (literally). i think that's really cool, but all he thinks is i have long hair and complain a lot.

i hope i get in the superlatives.

My Vassar "your page" thing

2004-12-14T04:34:14Z

i "sing" in the second one.

2004-12-14T01:42:06Z

Please for your own sake, check this out.

if you don't lol, you have no heart.

TWO NEW SONGS!

thebeff @ 2004-12-11T12:19:00

2004-12-11T17:19:41Z

deferred

: \

CHASING SUSAN.

2004-12-08T03:23:36Z

ok so i met susan. it was a nice little adventure. after fencing i picked up lisa and then stopped at my house for julie and the sarando-cam. we ventured down to 287 south and stayed on it for a really long time. we asked for directions like 4 times even though i was right the whole time. it took a while to get there on account of the rain and the traffic : / nevertheless, we arrived on time. it was in edison and we felt like we were intruding since it was the town christmas festival thing. but soon enough, susan came out, made a little speech, and spread some holiday cheer. we met up with rachel, my friend from MUN which was half the reason i went, because of her awesome. the tree was pretty, the hot chocolate free, and the sarandon abundant. we met, she called us crazy kids (partly because we are, and partly because julie taped :"SUSAN!!:" to her t-shirt. she signed my alfie ticket and julie's stepmom DVD. she then took this picture with me:

pre-susan excitemenT!

susan sitting

susan speeching

susan lighting

post susan sadness/boredom

^rachel

(no more suze : [)

(i hope he tells everyone we had a fourway kiss with susan!!)

i made up a new word for bush. vagstache. use it and love it.